Unterrorism

I've been thinking; with all the lousy things going down in this country, maybe I should become a terrorist.

No, no, not that kind of terrorist. Instead of bombs and hijacking, I was thinking more along the lines of eggs, and swearing at strategic targets. For example, TPing and egging and swearing loudly at the studios where reality shows are produced, specifically ones like "The Swan" and "Extreme Makeover". Those things are just nasty and wrong. I mean, damn! Has there ever been anything that so shamelessly glamourizes and markets superficiality as much as these shows do? During commercial breaks, they actually advertise plastic surgery clinics, featuring people who "made a change- for the BETTER!"
Ugh. Just... ugh. Did you know that after someone gets liposuction, they can use that fat to make their lips, um, fatter? Maybe you did, but still! "Oh doctor! Thank you so much! I look like some beautiful... tropical... fish!"

And also, I want to do something to a Walmart. Or every Walmart. How 'bout this: a simultaneous, nation-wide, crap-on-a-Walmart. Hellz, yeah! Let's go crap on some Walmarts! Who is with me? Anyone?

Okay, so that'd probably be pointless. Well, you think of something better.

Discordia: History and Controversy

I suppose that it would be appropriate for this weblogs first ever entry to answer the question, "Discordia? What the hell..?" After all, this is a Discordian weblog, or at least, it will be. Here follows a brief but informative essay on its history:

Though many of the most basic facts are shrouded in mystery, it is well documented that Discordia, or Discordianism, was founded during the very worst years of the Great Depression, by a wandering ex-coal miner named Antonius Robert Wilemson. Constantly evading John Law for the petty crimes he commited to get by, Antonius spent most of his time alone, a vagrant wandering the country roads of the vast Mideast.

One day, Antonius tripped and hit his head on the ground. He fell into deep unconciousness. Slowly, however, he was carried out of the blackness, lured into a lucid coma by a celestial voice calling his name.

"Antonius..."

And there before him stood the great goddess herself, Lady Mogspa. Lady Mogspa spoke again, and revealed the all the secrets of the universe to her dreaming disciple. When she finished, he was dumbfounded.

"You... you have chosen to tell these things to me? Of all people?"

"Yes," she replied simply.

"And you had to knock me on my head to do it?"

This time she only smiled and nodded.

"Is that all you have to say? When I come to, there's gonna be a bleeding wound on my head because of you."

"'Tis for the greater good."

"Well, you know what? Fuck the greater good, fuck the secrets of the universe, and fuck you!" Antonius shook himself into full conciousness, and though the wound wasn't that bad at all, he was still furious, and so he went off and founded Discordianism out of spite towards Mogspa and her doggoned "ultimate plans".

Of course, many scholars believe that the founders name was actually Robert Anton Wilson, and that he founded the irreligion sometime in the seventies when he wrote The Principia Discordia on an acid trip. But he adamently denies that idea, almost as much as he champions it. Either way, Discordia is gobs of fun.

Goodnight, America.


(p.s.: As for info on the Principia Discordia, you can look it up yourself.)